Understanding the Basic Desires of Each Enneagram Type and How to Love Them Well
🤔 Ever wondered why some gestures of love resonate more with certain people than others? How do some people need a lot of time together to feel connected and loved, while others have their eyes light up the moment someone gives them a gift? 🤩
People are so wonderfully complex and unique. We are so different from one another, yet we all have the same deep desire for authentic connection, belonging, appreciation, and love. In this post, we will talk about how we can use the insights of the Enneagram and the 5 love languages to love and nurture our relationships with the people around us in a deeper and more meaningful way.
Enneagram Reveals People’s Deepest Desires
The Enneagram is a personality typology that helps us understand not just what people do but also why people do what they do. It helps us understand their inner motivations, which comprise their basic desires and fears. These inner motivations form the structure of the nine Enneagram types.
Enneagram type One is driven by the desire to be right or good.
Enneagram type Two is driven by the desire to be appreciated, needed, and loved.
Enneagram type Three is driven by the desire to be admired and seen as successful and accomplished.
Enneagram type Four is driven by the desire to be unique, authentic, and special.
Enneagram type Five is driven by the desire to be competent, knowledgeable, and self-sufficient.
Enneagram type Six is driven by the desire to have security, guidance, and assurance.
Enneagram type Seven is driven by the desire to be happy, satisfied, and fulfilled.
Enneagram type Eight is driven by the desire to be in control, strong, and avoid weakness.
Enneagram type Nine is driven by the desire to have inner peace, harmony, and comfort.
Knowing your people’s Enneagram type allows you to extend empathy and understand the why behind their behavior.
For example, when a Nine avoids a serious and heavy conversation, it is because their basic desire is to have inner peace and harmony, and having a heavy conversation can disrupt that inner harmony. When a Six is having a tough time making decisions, it is because they desire security and safety, and they need to make sure that this decision will be the safest choice.
Instead of judging people based on their behavior, understanding the motivation behind that behavior helps us empathize and extend grace to the people around us.
How to Love People Best with the 5 Love Languages
I heard about the 5 Love Languages from a friend at church many years ago. I remember that I immediately thought that was very helpful. If you haven’t heard about it, the 5 Love Languages is a tool to help us love the people around us more intentionally and strengthen our relationship with them by understanding the preferred ways they give and receive love. These 5 love languages are:
Words of Encouragement
Some people give and receive love through words, like compliments or encouragement, whether verbal or written.
Acts of Service
For some, actions speak louder than words. Express your love to them by finishing up a chore at home or asking what you can DO to help.
Gifts
For this group of people, receiving a thoughtful gift will light up their eyes and fill their hearts with so much love.
Quality Time
For some, nothing says ‘I love you’ more than a good quality time and undivided attention.
Physical Touch
For some others, appropriate physical touch is what will fill their cup!
Bridging the Enneagram and the 5 Love Languages
We can learn so many helpful insights from the Enneagram and the 5 Love Languages to help us love our people in a deeper and more meaningful way. So we created a free guide called Loving Your People Well to give you practical ideas on how to love each Enneagram type well based on their love language. Download it here for free!
TL;DR
People are so wonderfully complex and unique, and so are the ways to love, care, support, and appreciate them. If you want to start nurturing your relationships in a meaningful way, download the free resource below!
